2.21.2003

On The Ultimate Futility Caused by Toothpaste on Your Sleeve

She's English. Her friend needs to use the phone in the office, and I let her, at first against my better judgement. But She's blonde, and very cute, and I am lonely lately, so any feminine attention at all is like cold pizza at 3 a.m., not really what you want, but good enough to get you through. I really don't want these two stangers in my office. Not until She speaks, that is.

"This place was recommended to us by collegues, so you had better make sure we have a good time." Coy, without the slightest hint of demanding. The wink was built in to her voice. And that accent just floors me.

She and her friend retreat into the club, and within minutes are having so much fun they can't wait to buy a souvinir. We're out of T-shirts, sorry ladies, the waitress says. But a little constructive digging around in the office produces the last one, hidden away in the back of a shelf behind a box of utterly useless junk.

She beams when I bring it out. She's let her golden hair out of the pony tail. She's wearing a sassy little denim jacket with a pink support ribbon (breast cancer?) She touches my arm, looks me directly in the eye to thank me for finding the one thing that can make Her supremely happy at that moment. Her eyes shine with the possibilites of all the ways I might make Her happy in the future. I look down at Her hand, pure white and soft on the dark red sleeve of my shirt, almost in awe that She has deemed to touch me.

And there's a toothpaste stain on the cuff of my sleeve.

Another perfect romance down the drain. Fuck.

2.17.2003

On My Natural Expression

I go through life with a bit of a scowl on my face, it would seem. I am not an angry person, anymore. I used to be quite the sour-puss, with a healthy case of small man's disease from always beeing the kid on the far end of the front row of the class picture. I got beat up A LOT when I was young because I could not control my temper. As I grew older, I realized that I look pretty serious most of the time, and it made me difficult to approach, so most people didn't bother. I made a serious effort to change that about six years ago. Those who know me now know that I am anything but grumpy most of the time. I'm pretty outgoing. "Just because you ARE a character doesn't neccesarily mean that you HAVE character." In my case, I like to think that's not true. I am, frankly, a fucking blast.

Anyway, I got asked seven or eight times tonight "Dude, you okay?" because I had my usual serious, thoughtful expression on my face. The reason I don't walk around all day grinning like an idiot is because I'm not one. The fact that it was the same guy asking me what was wrong with me over and over again about every ten minutes has only served to accomplish one thing.

Now I'm in a bad mood. So leave me alone.