Or,
'Endeavor' is my favorite word because it's the answer to everything.
Well, I did it again. I sat somewhere, pulled a little black book out of my pocket, borrowed a pen, and started scribbling, not because I wanted to , but because I had to. My God, it felt good, and here it is:
So. I was at home fuming
I was pissed until
I realized I was hurt.
I was a victim.
It took me a while.
I typed.
I love typing.
It makes me feel
important
accomplished
intact.
It makes me feel
like I have something
to say.
Until I look up.
I look at my fingers.
I can't type for shit.
I drag my shifts.
I mispell
completley
apparenteley
beautifil
I can spell with a pen, not
with my fingers.
Worse, I barrell forward
I can't see what I'm
Doing.
Only what I've
Done.
It's drivel
rave
anger
spit
& vinegar.
It's awful.
I posted it anyway,
then I drove.
I talk to myself behind the wheel.
I rant, I preach.
I have no disciples,
one disciple,
all the acolytes I could
ever
want
need
forgive.
Can I forgive them?
They don't seek it.
They are rightous
patriots
martyrs
idiots
madmen
simple men
men of faith
MADMEN.
Men.
Animals.
Bundles of instincts
with no where to go
but East
Down
to Hell that doesn't
Exist
to an Allah that who has
forgotten them, us
Everything.
But I'm just licking my wounds.
It's because I'm a victim.
We all are.
Oct 28, 2003
On the ACTUAL end of the world
Or
How lunatics killing each other make me feel humble for loving baseball.
A few days ago, I compared the Yankees to Al-Queda. They lost the World Series (to a team with less than 1/3 their payroll) and I'm glad about that.
Meanwhile, lunacy brings back the real point. In a God-forsaken place across the world,a suicide bomber strikes an Iraqi town, after another lunatic with a bomb blew up the headquarters of that insidious group, The Red Cross.
THE RED CROSS!!!!!!!!
How far out of hand have things gotten when people will kill other people, people just like them, people of flesh and blood, people with parents and pets and bills to pay, people who've had bad dates, people who've had their hearts broken, people who've seen the sun and smiled from time to time, other people just trying to live their lives? How bad has it gotten when people who are willing to help others, under a time honored symbol of peace and neutrality, people giving out food and medicine and blankets and hope become targets of lunatics? Once again, there are too few kind people, people of compassion and sanity in the world. Once again madness has overtaken someone, driven men to do the unspeakable to each other.
"Tonight the streets of Heaven are too full of Angels"
I wish I could believe that. The problem is that these people are doing all of this in the name of God, a God that's supposed to be universal between the three great religions that were born in the burning stretch of desert where this madness has taken root. A God that has likely turned its back on all of us, thrown in the towel and said "Screw it, you guys clearly don't get the point. Go ahead, Kill each other, who gives a shit?"
I deeply hope that's not the case.
I hope it's down on it's knees, weeping at what we have done in it's name. And I hope it knows I'm sorry for comparing baseball, something that has brought me great joy and an understanding of God just a little bit, to something insane that others have done in God's name.
How lunatics killing each other make me feel humble for loving baseball.
A few days ago, I compared the Yankees to Al-Queda. They lost the World Series (to a team with less than 1/3 their payroll) and I'm glad about that.
Meanwhile, lunacy brings back the real point. In a God-forsaken place across the world,a suicide bomber strikes an Iraqi town, after another lunatic with a bomb blew up the headquarters of that insidious group, The Red Cross.
THE RED CROSS!!!!!!!!
How far out of hand have things gotten when people will kill other people, people just like them, people of flesh and blood, people with parents and pets and bills to pay, people who've had bad dates, people who've had their hearts broken, people who've seen the sun and smiled from time to time, other people just trying to live their lives? How bad has it gotten when people who are willing to help others, under a time honored symbol of peace and neutrality, people giving out food and medicine and blankets and hope become targets of lunatics? Once again, there are too few kind people, people of compassion and sanity in the world. Once again madness has overtaken someone, driven men to do the unspeakable to each other.
"Tonight the streets of Heaven are too full of Angels"
I wish I could believe that. The problem is that these people are doing all of this in the name of God, a God that's supposed to be universal between the three great religions that were born in the burning stretch of desert where this madness has taken root. A God that has likely turned its back on all of us, thrown in the towel and said "Screw it, you guys clearly don't get the point. Go ahead, Kill each other, who gives a shit?"
I deeply hope that's not the case.
I hope it's down on it's knees, weeping at what we have done in it's name. And I hope it knows I'm sorry for comparing baseball, something that has brought me great joy and an understanding of God just a little bit, to something insane that others have done in God's name.
Oct 18, 2003
On, quite possibly, the Ending of the World
Or,
"I had a hat attack in my ca on the way ta tha pak"
This baseball post season has been an interesting journey for me. As a devout believer in the Church of Baseball, I have watched many converts to my religion follow two teams into the playoffs for the most absurd of reasons. For a while, every person I talked to was pulling for the Cubs and the Red Sox. They all wanted to see them play each other in the World Series. They all wanted these teams to do something neither of them has been able to do in generations. Mind you, very few of these people are day to day baseball fans. Very few of these people start thinking in January, "man only a few more weeks 'till pitchers and catchers." Most of them wouldn't even know what that phrase means. They understand the pageantry of my religion in the post season, but they have not suffered and rejoiced at the scores on a daily basis all summer. They haven't watched their two teams for 162 games, one floundering lost in the wilderness as if all the front office decisions are being made by a crazed orangutan with a ouiji board and a magic Eightball, the other doggedly trying to keep pace in one of the closest pennant races in years with a badly rearranged rotation due to injury, only to fold like a lawn chair in the last week of the season. It was heartbreaking, as religion often is. It was inspiring at times as well, as religion should be. And then, all of a sudden, I was surrounded by these new acolytes to my church, singing the praises of teams that they have never followed, and hoping that one or the other or both would pull off the seemingly impossible. Very few of them could understand the argument that I spend 162 games a year rooting AGAINST the Cubs, and that pity for them for being perennial also-rans doesn't suddenly reverse my loyalty or faith.
Everyone wanted the Cubs and Red Sox to win because they haven't been able to win before. Now, lets explore a very important dogmatic tenet of my religion. The teams that go to the World Series are the two teams who WIN. Losing for, like, eighty years does not buy you a spot in the games biggest event. Sympathy doesn't earn you a trip to the Fall Classic. These teams aren't getting screwed by their own fans, and they are neither jinxed nor, Babe forbid, "Cursed". They just aren't as good as the other guys. Their managers made bad decisions, their arms and bats and brains were just that much less than their opponents. It is the basis of the entire religion, you wanna go to the World Series? Win ball games.
Sadly, the other deep problem with my religion overcame those young acolytes new found euphoria. Money, personified most accurately by George Steinbrenner, has led some within the religion astray in the most evil of ways, like the scourge of fundamentalism perverting the rather beautiful Islamic world. The Yankees, proudly flaunting their perversion, have once again bought their way into the World Series, guaranteeing that they can win ball games not on heart and brains and talent alone, but on the strength of their checkbook as well. In a World Series that the new acolytes will ignore as they shake their heads with futile discussions of "The Curse" and "The Fan", Evil again will raise its ugly head and try to dominate the sport. I fear for my religions very existence, and have but one thing to say.
Go Fish.
"I had a hat attack in my ca on the way ta tha pak"
This baseball post season has been an interesting journey for me. As a devout believer in the Church of Baseball, I have watched many converts to my religion follow two teams into the playoffs for the most absurd of reasons. For a while, every person I talked to was pulling for the Cubs and the Red Sox. They all wanted to see them play each other in the World Series. They all wanted these teams to do something neither of them has been able to do in generations. Mind you, very few of these people are day to day baseball fans. Very few of these people start thinking in January, "man only a few more weeks 'till pitchers and catchers." Most of them wouldn't even know what that phrase means. They understand the pageantry of my religion in the post season, but they have not suffered and rejoiced at the scores on a daily basis all summer. They haven't watched their two teams for 162 games, one floundering lost in the wilderness as if all the front office decisions are being made by a crazed orangutan with a ouiji board and a magic Eightball, the other doggedly trying to keep pace in one of the closest pennant races in years with a badly rearranged rotation due to injury, only to fold like a lawn chair in the last week of the season. It was heartbreaking, as religion often is. It was inspiring at times as well, as religion should be. And then, all of a sudden, I was surrounded by these new acolytes to my church, singing the praises of teams that they have never followed, and hoping that one or the other or both would pull off the seemingly impossible. Very few of them could understand the argument that I spend 162 games a year rooting AGAINST the Cubs, and that pity for them for being perennial also-rans doesn't suddenly reverse my loyalty or faith.
Everyone wanted the Cubs and Red Sox to win because they haven't been able to win before. Now, lets explore a very important dogmatic tenet of my religion. The teams that go to the World Series are the two teams who WIN. Losing for, like, eighty years does not buy you a spot in the games biggest event. Sympathy doesn't earn you a trip to the Fall Classic. These teams aren't getting screwed by their own fans, and they are neither jinxed nor, Babe forbid, "Cursed". They just aren't as good as the other guys. Their managers made bad decisions, their arms and bats and brains were just that much less than their opponents. It is the basis of the entire religion, you wanna go to the World Series? Win ball games.
Sadly, the other deep problem with my religion overcame those young acolytes new found euphoria. Money, personified most accurately by George Steinbrenner, has led some within the religion astray in the most evil of ways, like the scourge of fundamentalism perverting the rather beautiful Islamic world. The Yankees, proudly flaunting their perversion, have once again bought their way into the World Series, guaranteeing that they can win ball games not on heart and brains and talent alone, but on the strength of their checkbook as well. In a World Series that the new acolytes will ignore as they shake their heads with futile discussions of "The Curse" and "The Fan", Evil again will raise its ugly head and try to dominate the sport. I fear for my religions very existence, and have but one thing to say.
Go Fish.
Oct 7, 2003
On movies and my day off
or
My Halloween costume changes by the hour.
I just got done seeing Once Upon a Time in Mexico. That movie is fuckin' nuts, review will be up soon.
And I think now I have to be Johnny Depp for Halloween. He is the best part of like the last 5 movies I have seen, or something like that. What a bad ass.
So, how am I gonna fake the hair? Thoughts?
My Halloween costume changes by the hour.
I just got done seeing Once Upon a Time in Mexico. That movie is fuckin' nuts, review will be up soon.
And I think now I have to be Johnny Depp for Halloween. He is the best part of like the last 5 movies I have seen, or something like that. What a bad ass.
So, how am I gonna fake the hair? Thoughts?
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