or,<\/p>\n
Hey, I was Five and it was My Birthday, so Shut Up.<\/p>\n
I used to think “Resolve” meant to find the answer to something, again. Like figuring out that 2+2 really did =4. Or looking at all the clues over again to find out that Kristen did, in fact, shoot J.R.<\/p>\n
“Elementary, my dear Watson, you see, the Murderer of the Rue Morgue is…”
\n
“Yes, yes, yes Holmes, it’s a bloody big monkey, someone else solved it first, and then you re-solved it already, 4 times! You’re not even in that blasted story! Quit showing off, you wanker.” <\/p>\n
So, here are some things I would like to have “Re-Solved” for 2005:<\/p>\n
1) Why are there 8 in a bag of hot dog buns, but 12 in a pack of hot dogs?<\/p>\n
2) Why did my water bill go up by a factor of 10 during April of 2004?<\/p>\n
3) Who shot Abraham Lincoln?<\/p>\n
5) What happened to mystery number 4?<\/p>\n
6) Where were all of Iraq’s Weapons of Mass Destruction?<\/p>\n
7) What is the square root of 99?<\/p>\n
8) Where’s the Beef?<\/p>\n
Answers: 1) So you’ll buy 3 bags of buns and two packs of hot dogs. 2) Our toilet was apparently leaking. 3) John Wilkes Boothe, the fucker. 5) I skipped it. 6) If they were up Dubya’s ass, he’d know! 7) 9.9498743710661995473447982100121. 8) Wendy’s, of course.<\/small><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
or, Hey, I was Five and it was My Birthday, so Shut Up. I used to think “Resolve” meant to find the answer to something, again. Like figuring out that 2+2 really did =4. Or looking at all the clues over again to find out that Kristen did, in fact, shoot J.R. “Elementary, my dear … Continue reading On a New Year’s Tradition that I used to Completely Misunderstand<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-43","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.cloudwrangler.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.cloudwrangler.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.cloudwrangler.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.cloudwrangler.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.cloudwrangler.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=43"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.cloudwrangler.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.cloudwrangler.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=43"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.cloudwrangler.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=43"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.cloudwrangler.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=43"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}