and whether or not I have any. <\/p>\n
Writing has taken up\u00a0a place in my chest again lately, like the warmth spreading inside\u00a0 you get from drinking whiskey.\u00a0 It’s been a while, I gotta tell ya.\u00a0 I have new heroes like Mike<\/a>, and I’ve gotten in touch with an old hero, Larry.\u00a0\u00a0 I’ve been scribbling in my moleskine like mad, and I had a lot of fun with the following, even if it isn’t very good.\u00a0 It’s raw, but bear with me while I give you a poem. <\/p>\n “I suppose I should worry…” <\/p>\n I suppose I should worry about becoming a barfly, \u00a0 I suppose I should worry that I only feel numb I suppose I should worry that I gave up that nice little rhyme and meter thing that I had going for a while back there. And “I suppose” that if I want to live for only the small, the visceral, the single moments of solitary pleasure in a world of pain, if all I want is to numb myself with liqour and\u00a0new clothes, orgasms\u00a0and new tattoos, if I want to abandon the endeavor for the emotionless love of a bad little girl with pixie chopped hair, starring at me through a haze of her own cigarette smoke with a look in her eyes like she can’t decide whether or not she wants to fuck my brains out or stab me with the knife in her boot for staring at her TITS, THEN JUST THAT LOOK OUGHT TO BE ENOUGH FOR ME? RIGHT!?!? No? <\/p>\n Then I suppose <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" and whether or not I have any. Writing has taken up\u00a0a place in my chest again lately, like the warmth spreading inside\u00a0 you get from drinking whiskey.\u00a0 It’s been a while, I gotta tell ya.\u00a0 I have new heroes like Mike, and I’ve gotten in touch with an old hero, Larry.\u00a0\u00a0 I’ve been scribbling in … Continue reading On rhyme and meter<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-49","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.cloudwrangler.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/49","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.cloudwrangler.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.cloudwrangler.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.cloudwrangler.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.cloudwrangler.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=49"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.cloudwrangler.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/49\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.cloudwrangler.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=49"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.cloudwrangler.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=49"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.cloudwrangler.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=49"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\n
Sitting on stools, alone,
\n
Drinking with fools, with stone
\n
\u00a0 hearted men, and girls, not
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\u00a0 ladies in tight things
\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 tied with strings,\u00a0
\n
teasing and drinking while I just sit and watch.
\n
\u00a0 While the predators hunt
\n
\u00a0 wolves in a pack of just one,
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\u00a0 hoping to add another notch
\n
\u00a0 and be done,
\n
\u00a0 to the headboard,
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\u00a0 the nightstand,
\n
\u00a0 to any eternal measuring stick that isn’t my hand. <\/p>\n
\n
I suppose I should worry about going
\n
blind.\u00a0
\n
Making Love to myself, alone\u00a0
\n
in the dark, in this “home”
\n
\u00a0 to a cold electric glow
\n
\u00a0 or an oily slick page
\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 at my age
\n
I should find someone, spend\u00a0meaningful time.
\n
\u00a0 Everyone else pairs off
\n
\u00a0 and touches and feels
\n
\u00a0 and they don’t seem to mind\u00a0
\n
\u00a0\u00a0that they’re real.
\n
\u00a0 and emotion,
\n
\u00a0 not aesthetic
\n
\u00a0 should rule a life that’s not quite so
\n
pathetic. <\/p>\n
\n
\u00a0 that sometimes, inside me
\n
\u00a0 I only want\u00a0not to\u00a0hurt anymore
\n
\u00a0 that I sometimes only want to be looked at and not talked to.
\n
I should worry that I’ve become a great actor,
\n
a reactionary thespian,
\n
going through the motions
\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 and emotions
\n
that I’m supposed<\/u> to be having.
\n
That I fall somewhere
\n
close to “an artist”,
\n
“a person”,
\n
something “real”, like a great big yellow plastic poser fuckin’ lawn dart flung by somebody else.
\n
and that I don’t know what I’m waiting for, what’s real, or who the hell I am. <\/p>\n
\n
But that’s just somebody else’s trick, not my smoke and mirrors.
\n
I don’t need to believe in magic, or romance,
\n
or anybody else’s fuckin’ bullshit big ideas or spiritual enlightenment or corproate sponsored nuclear family.\u00a0 They can glow in the dark like a fuckin’ suburban Chernobyl for all I give a shit.
\n
I “suppose” that if I want to be an Uber-dork introvert and a drunk and scribble in my little black pocket notebook while drinking whiskey instead of publishing my novel or changing someone’s mind,\u00a0that if I only\u00a0care to worry if the chicks all around me in this smoke filled den of liqour and sex think I’m cool looking instead of whether or not they can fuckin’ spell much less carry on a conversation or be my muse, then that’s my fuckin’ business, isn’t it?\u00a0
\n
And if I want to worry about whether or not the cases upon cases of skin mags and\u00a0painted\u00a0faces in the boxes in my closet are properly stored and aplhabatized according to porn-star-slut-of-the-moment, or fetish kink, or the stickiness of the pages because I just couldn’t hold my wad long enough to reach for the kleenex box\u00a0and it didn’t really matter ’cause\u00a0it was empty, again, then “I suppose” \u00a0my only real “worry” should be why didn’t I buy enough kleenex. <\/p>\n
\n
Right?
\n
PLEASE? <\/p>\n
\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I should worry. <\/p>\n